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28 May 2008

My obnoxious take on a meme

Because I'm in a contrary mood and in the middle of a bought of insomnia right now I think all memes that are I did/I haven't/I never will lists are obnoxious. So here's my take on possible reasons why these books are the most 'unread' on LibraryThing. There's a prize in this box of cracker jacks. Read on.


Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell The talking statues of Yorkminster? Magic? 800 pages?
Anna Karenina Likes trains, but not manic-depressive Russian housewives.
Crime and Punishment Thought it was written by Bush staffer responsible for throwing out habeas corpus.
Catch-22 Wanted to understand the cliche but realized reading the book would be one.
One Hundred Years of Solitude Thought it was a self-help book for the overworked needing to unplug
Wuthering Heights Cathy! Cathy!
The Silmarillion Thought similar to LOTR
Life of Pi : a novel Secondary source for research paper proving that 3.14159 = 3.243F6A8885A308D31319…
The Name of the Rose A rose by any other name...
Don Quixote Liked the musical Man of La Mancha
Moby Dick Likes to fish.
Ulysses Purchased by confused Freshman who mixed up Joyce & Homer.
Madame Bovary Soft core.
The Odyssey Bought before realized could pass the class without reading.
Pride and Prejudice Wannabe Austen Fan.
Jane Eyre Seeking lost inner teenage girl.
A Tale of Two Cities Travel guide?
The Brothers Karamazov Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guns, Germs, and Steel On the NYT Bestseller list. Bought for Christmas for unlikeable relative. Regifted ugly sweater instead.
War and Peace Trying to look well educated or well-toned (well-tomed or well-toned?).
Vanity Fair Thought it was special edition of the magazine.
The Time Traveler’s Wife Book Club, never read.
The Iliad For Freshman Humanities class. Couldn't sell at used book store.
Emma Wannabe Austen fan.
The Blind Assassin Thought it was Robert Ludlum novel.
The Kite Runner No excuse.
Mrs. Dalloway To impress a cute girl.
Great Expectations To impress a cute grad assistant.
American Gods To impress a cute boy. Because Neil Gaimen is cool.
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius Couldn't resist the title, but found out it was about death, and raising a kid, and growing up.
Atlas Shrugged Could there be any other reason for thinking about reading Rand other than teenage angst?
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books Trying to look hip & PC.
Memoirs of a Geisha Missed the movie but wanted cocktail party chatter fodder.
Middlesex Confused by the title.
Quicksilver Impulse buy. No idea about the book.
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West Hey, if it's a musical with that short woman with a great voice, then the book must be good, right?
The Canterbury Tales Eager Freshman. Thought had to read all in Old English.
The Historian : a novel Brief faux-Goth stage.
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man Wanting intellectual sounding book on shelf.
Love in the Time of Cholera Thinking about being a doctor.
Brave New World Confused it with 1984.
The Fountainhead Could there be any other reason for thinking about reading Rand other than teenage angst?
Foucault’s Pendulum Wanting to learn about echo and other things about physics.
Middlemarch Wannabe Austen fan.
Frankenstein Disappointed that it wasn't by Mel Brooks.
The Count of Monte Cristo Trying to reclaim childhood.
Dracula Came with set of wax lips. Give-away during local station's late night horror movie marathon.
A Clockwork Orange Because the movie was rated X.
Anansi Boys To impress a cute boy. And because Gaimen is cool!
The Once and Future King If over 45: Loved Camelot. If under 45: Loved Spamalot.
The Grapes of Wrath Thought it'd make you well-read.
The Poisonwood Bible Liked Kingsolver's other books.
1984 Confused it with Brave New World.
Angels & Demons Couldn't find copy of DaVinci Code during it's popular phase. Book club read. Never finished.
Inferno Confused with Fahrenheit 451.
The Satanic Verses Looking for incantations.
Sense and Sensibility Wannabe Austen fan.
The Picture of Dorian Gray Thought Dorian was a cute girl.
Mansfield Park Wannabe Austen Fan.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest Liked Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
To the Lighthouse Wanted to not look stupid with the in-crowd of Women's Studies students.
Tess of the D’Urbervilles Wanted to be with the in-crowd of Women's Studies students.
Oliver Twist Didn't realize that A Christmas Carol was uncharacteristically short for Dickens. And a much better theatrical production.
Gulliver’s Travels Google employee who likes horses trying to understand origins of Yahoo.
Les Misérables Manic-depressive reader.
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay Tired of graphic novels.
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time Book club read. Read first and last chapter.
Dune Because all of the cool geeky people were reading it between games of D&D.
The Prince Wannabe poli-sci major.
The Sound and the Fury Anger management.
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir Book club read. Didn't get past children dying in first few pages.
The God of Small Things Totally confused.
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present Looking for cliff-notes.
Cryptonomicon ?
Neverwhere To impress a cute boy or girl. And, because Gaimen is cool!
A Confederacy of Dunces Felt sorry for Toole's mother.
A Short History of Nearly Everything Looking for cliff-notes.
Dubliners Thought it was about drinking games.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being Liked anti-grav boots.
Beloved Liked Toni Morrison. Liked Toni Morrison's hair. Liked Oprah.
Slaughterhouse-Five Thought Vonnegut only wrote sci-fi comedy.
The Scarlet Letter High School Student afraid of not graduating heard there was a secret "mistake" in Cliff Notes only teachers knew so actually tried to read book.
Eats, Shoots & Leaves Thought it was a Rachel Ray "Oh Yum Vegan Delights" Cookbook.
The Mists of Avalon See Once & Future King. Girl version.
Oryx and Crake ?
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed Received as Hanukkah gift from depressive cousin.
Cloud Atlas Received as gift from relative who heard you wanted to be a pilot.
The Confusion A moment of clarity in the bookstore.
Lolita Because of renowned creepiness of Humbert Humbert.
Persuasion Wannabe Austen Fan.
Northanger Abbey Wannabe Austen Fan.
The Catcher in the Rye No angry young teen street cred without this on your shelf.
On the Road No rock-n-roll street cred without this on your shelf.
The Hunchback of Notre Dame Likes UND.
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything Another Christmas-Hanukkah gift.
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values For those angst-filled teens too cool to read Ayn Rand.
The Aeneid Companion to Ulysses and Odyssey
Watership Down Because bunnies are cute and reading Peter Rabbit after age 7 isn't.
Gravity’s Rainbow Gift from stoner boyfriend.
The Hobbit Gift from stoner girlfriend
In Cold Blood Bought during Realism phase.
White Teeth ???
Treasure Island Bought to read with Grandson.
David Copperfield Bio of the magician?

Guess which one of these is true for me and I'll enter your name in a drawing for a fabulous prize (on Sunday around noon Eastern time). There may be more than one possible correct answer. There may be more than one incorrect answer. Will draw a name from all correct guesses. And maybe will include answers that amuse me. Or maybe everybody who comments. Depends on my mood. No real written rules. No idea yet what the fabulous prize will be, but you won't want to miss entering this giveaway! After all, don't you have room for more unread books on your shelves?

18 Not read (yet)
27 Read
9 Started reading but couldn't finish
54 I've never owned, checked from library, thought about buying

3 comments:

Emily Barton said...

This is brilliant! I'm sure I'm wrong, but I love it so much, that I'm just going to have to guess it anyway: DRACULA? That's not to say I didn't love many of the others, like all the wannabe Austen fans and DUNE, but I'm sticking with DRACULA for the contest.

bloglily.com said...

I'm going with Jonathan Strange, not because it's first but because that was my exact experience.

chiefbiscuit said...

Ha very clever - and not far from the truth from my reasons for many of thge books! Time Traveller's Wife??